Friday, May 8, 2009

Mother's Day

Originally posted on May 7, 2008. I am out of town at Dane and Laura's wedding this week, so I thought I would leave this message from last year.

Mother's Day is one of the biggest holidays of the entire year for me. Not because of what I do (very, very little), but because of how many ideas and expectations and emotions it brings up.

I spent about 7 years wanting desperately to be a mother. Not as in 'I want to have kids one day', but as in actively trying to have kids, not being able to, seeing doctors, having my entire life revolve around 2 week schedules (2 weeks of hope, 1 day of ovulation, 2 weeks of waiting, disappointment, repeat), invasive doctor visits, crazy hormones and drugs. That kind of wanting to be a mother. Wanting it so bad it was like an empty hole in my belly (haha, no pun intended, but it works)! I hated Mother's Day in those years. I wanted to crawl in a hole and hide from everyone trying to wish me a 'Happy Woman's Day' or 'You will be a Mother one day'. I know people meant well, but it was just a bad day that reminded me of all I didn't have.

Then I became a Mother. One year a Mother of one, and then the very next year I was Mother of three. Wow, talk about dreams coming true!! I celebrated so much. I was overjoyed with how happy I was to have all these beautiful babies. But it was hard! And I wanted a day off. I wanted Mother's Day to be all about me- gratitude for all I did, amazing and thoughtful gifts, just a wonderful celebration of me and all that I was and did. I mean, I worked for years to get to this point, and now I had 3 babies. Where was my throne and servants?? For some reason dh and the fam didn't have the same vision for Mother's Day that I did. What the heck? So then I spent a few years loving Mother's Day, but being severely disappointed and mad afterward. (Who could have guessed).

Also on Mother's Day, I always think of our children's birthmothers. Such wonderful, selfless sacrifice they gave to their children. Such courage, love and strength they had to make the decision they did. It wasn't easy for either of them. It is quite possibly the hardest thing they will ever do. But they did it. I love them each so much. When I look at my children, I see these two women. When I see their genetic gifts (which are many), I am grateful for the men and women who created these wonderful kids. The two days a year that I think about them more than any other is the kids' birthdays, and Mother's Day. I wouldn't be a mother without them, and for that I will be eternally grateful.

I read or heard once a story about the woman who started Mother's Day. Now, I have no idea if this is true, I am only repeating it because it helps me get to my point. Anyway, the story goes that the woman who decided and successfully got Mother's Day to be a holiday intended it as a day for women to celebrate being a Mother. To spend the day in service and gratitude to her children. Not a day for everyone to give thanks to mom, and shower her with expensive and thoughtful gifts, but a day for her to express her love for them, and show her gratitude for being a mother.

That is what I am going to do this year and every year going forward. Even if the story isn't true, it is still what I want to do with my Mother's Day. I love being a Mother. It wasn't easy getting these kids into my family, and too often I take them for granted, or get frustrated too easily. I will never get a gift that is "enough" to show all I do for them. I will never have a great enough dinner or enough time off to "equal" all that I do. I don't do it for that. I do it to serve these precious people who depend on me to do those things.

So I'm going to change my celebration of Mother's Day. No more feeling sorry for myself, no more pity party, no more expectations. I am just going to spend the day remembering how lucky I am to have diapers to change, noses to wipe, blankies to find, hugs to give, and kids to fill my home with noise of all kinds. Happy Mother's Day.


Emily said...

Here Here~ I was actually thinking that yesterday. I am going to spend my mother's day showing them how much I love them and how lucky I am to be their mother. Thanks for the thoughts!!

Sue @ My Party of 6 said...

I think I love this even more than last year! Have fun at the wedding!!!

Kelly said...

Great post. I love it.

Rebecca said...

I'm so glad you reposted this as a reminder. Your kids are SO lucky to have you as their Mommy! Have fun at the wedding.