Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Our Story, part 1

November is National Adoption Month. I usually try to do a lot of adoption-related posts, but it just hasn't happened this year. As I was thinking about what to write, I realized that I have never told our whole adoption story. I've told many bits and pieces and chunks, but I don't think it is laid out end-to-end anywhere. So, I decided to write it. Here is part one.

For us, our adoption journey begins with infertility. Even as a young child, I envisioned a blended family, with both bio and adopted children. That was always a part of my life plan. I got married about the age I thought I would, and when I was finished with school, I thought that we would start having children right away.

We tried for about a year, then I decided to bring it up with my doctor. She prescribed 2 months of clomid (a drug that makes you ovulate), then referred us to a reproductive endocrinologist. Obviously the clomid didn't work, so we started the rounds of getting an infertility workup. It was annoying, and painful at times. A lot of doctor visits, a lot of tests and procedures that were not covered by insurance. And when it was all done, they didn't know anything. Well, I guess they knew that everything was normal as far as they could see. They gave us a diagnosis of "unexplained infertility" and said the next step was IUI, or intrauterine insemination.

At that time, I was only 22, Kydon was 23. Although I wanted desperately to have a baby, neither of us were ready to do those procedures. They were expensive (about $1000 per try), and not very likely to work (about a 2-3% chance). We decided to wait and see for a while. Our doctor felt that it was likely we would conceive if given enough time, and we decided to give it that time. I also had a hard time wrapping my head around the question that if they didn't know what was wrong with us, then how would they know how to fix it?

So, we went about our life. We worked, we took vacations, we had great friends. Getting pregnant was always in the background, always something we thought about, but for the most part we really enjoyed those years. We had decided that if nothing happened before we were 30, we would take more aggressive action. Fast forward to age 27, and... surprise- we got pregnant!

That pregnancy only lasted about 5 weeks. I only knew it was happening for about a week. When the miscarriage happened, both of us actually felt really happy- we had finally gotten pregnant, and now it was sure to happen again really quickly. We hoped that the quick miscarriage was just a wake-up call to get ready for the babies to start coming! There was sadness, of course, but overall a feeling of hope is what we focused on.

The next 9 months or so were the worst. Baby hunger, and my desire to be a Mother, had been a part of my life since I was a young girl. Until now, I had been able to put it on a back-burner, tell myself it would happen one day, and those thoughts and feelings didn't consume me. Well, now they consumed me. I couldn't think about anything else. I was depressed. I felt that I couldn't be friends with anyone- I was so disconnected from other women, and just about anything anyone said to me was offensive. When the due date for my lost baby came, and there was still no pregnancy, I knew we were not going to wait any longer. I had to do something.

I knew the next step in the medical route was IUI. I still didn't feel great about the cost vs. chance of success. I also knew that adoption was always on my radar. After much thought, prayer, and discussion, we finally realized that we needed to adopt. It was a clear decision- we knew we were on the right track. There are certain things in your life that when you make a decision, it is so clear, and easy, and feels so right that you never question it. That is how it was for us deciding to adopt. It was just right.

I think that is good for part one. Look for part two coming soon!


colleensewnsew said...

I love your adoption story -- can't wait to think about it again. I know despite the ups and downs, the Lord was with you the whole time.

Erika said...

I loved reading this Shanna. Thanks for sharing. :)

Rebecca said...

Your story just gives me chills.