Friday, January 28, 2011

Our Story, Part 4

Did you think I forgot to finish writing our adoption story?  Okay, I did forget for a while, but I did remember, so here is part 4!

(Continued from Part 3)

Ahhh. The bliss of having Abigail in our family. The bliss of being a mother. The bliss of having that girl- that sweet, cuddly, perfect in every way little angel. It made my life complete. It had been a completely crazy year- from Jan 2003 to Jan 2004 we started the adoption process, completed all the paperwork, waited, had a failed adoption, waited again, and were placed with a baby.

You would think that I would be ready for a break. Kydon certainly was. But when Abigail was just a couple months old, I was ready for another. I knew I had to have Kydon's agreement to pursue another adoption (which he wasn't giving), and I also knew that the agency we had used for Abigail required a one-year wait between adoptions. So I began to research other agencies. I spent hours on the internet, ordered countless information packets, looking at posting of available situations, and just generally wishing and hoping for another baby- as soon as possible!

If anything, having my miraculous daughter in my arms made my baby hunger worse than ever! Unfortunately, Kydon was not as anxious as I. I knew the agency we were going to use, and was just waiting for his agreement- which was not coming. In January, I got a phone call from my sister. She asked a simple question- would you be interested in twins?

I literally started jumping up and down! At this point, the only thing better than a baby would be two babies! I had gotten phone calls about potential situations before, but this one had me really, really excited. Twins would be a complete dream come true! Even Kydon was on board this time.  We were very, very unsure of everything. My sister had an online friend whose husband worked with the mother of the girl who was expecting twins. We sent her a letter and included a copy of our profile. We had no idea if she was even seriously considering adoption, or if she was considering us or not. We were excited but very much unsure. We went ahead and started updating our home study, since Kydon was now on board with being ready for another.

In February, we went up to North Carolina to meet with her. Heading up there, we really had no idea what to expect- if she was just meeting us to make her mom happy, or if she was serious about adoption.  After a long lunch with great conversations, and a huge family dinner the next day, we drove home pretty certain that we had two little boys on the way!  We loved Angela from the very start, as well as her mom and grandma.  They were each such beautiful, strong women.  We felt so blessed that they were willing to share their lives with us. 

We spent the next few months in a nervous excitement.  We still had a just-barely-one year old to keep us busy, we started remodeling our kitchen, and we were updating our home study and researching all the ins and outs of a private adoption (we decided not to use the agency and just do-it-ourselves with the help of a lawyer).  I remember feeling terrified- terrified that something would happen and we wouldn't get the babies, and terrified that nothing would happen and we would have twins!  Both were scary prospects!

Angela started going into labor at 28 weeks.  WAY too early for healthy babies!  She took excellent care of herself, and with medical help and her patience, she made it to 34 weeks.  We got the call at 10pm that she was going to the hospital.  We screamed a little, then took Abigail to my mom's house to spend the week.  We made a mad dash drive to North Carolina, about 4.5 hours away.  We made it there by 2 or 3 ish, and got to spend time in the room with Angela while she continued to labor.  Those boys were slow in coming out after all that!  They were born at about 12 pm the next day.  We didn't get to see them be born because they took her to an OR just in case there were problems.  We did, however, get to be the first to see them, despite the hospital being very uncomfortable and nervous about all of us being there. 

Both boys were healthy, and our time in the NICU was very short- only 10 days.  And if Aidan would have stayed awake long enough to eat, we could have left even sooner!  That time was pretty magical for me.  Although I missed my Abigail like crazy, I had two of the sweetest boys ever to focus all my energy on.  Once the nurses trusted me, I was allowed in there at almost all times, they let me do all the feedings, baths, changes, etc.  I saw the birth family every single day, and it was wonderful to get to know them better.   Spending time with my babies and the birthfamily was the sunny-side of my time in NC. 

On the not-so-good side, the legal stuff was a huge pain.  Our lawyer was not as cooperative as I would have liked.  It was a legally risky adoption anyway, and I ended up having to deal with a lot more of that stuff than I should have.  I can still remember very clearly going to visit the boys and feeling so much love and happiness and peace, then going back to the room to deal with all the stress and annoyance of everything else.  I felt so bad for Kydon being a single-dad to Abigail, my mom watching her all day every day, me not being with her, and just not able to do any of the things I normally do. 

After a grueling 3 weeks in North Carolina, away from my sweet daughter, I was finally given clearance to leave- at 5pm.  Kydon was going to drive up the next morning to get me, but I rented a car as quick as I could and drove home.  I just had this unstoppable urge to be HOME, with my family, to see my daughter, see my husband, and just hide from everything stressful!

Once we got home, reality hit hard.  Guess what- preemie twin babies are a lot of work!  :)  Just in case you didn't know!  We were still dealing with a lot of legal hoops, trying to get Abigail adjusted to two cute time-suckers, and of course not getting any sleep.  As I said before, it was a legal-risk placement.  We knew when we took them home that there was a strong possibility we would have to give them back.  I tried my best not to think of that, but it was always there, plaguing me with doubt and fear.  After about 2 months, we got the news that the adoption would not be contested and we could proceed with making them a part of our forever family!  What a huge relief that was!  It still took several months before we were able to finalize, but I didn't worry so much after that.

Now we "only" had to work out having 3 babies!  I still love how much Angela's grandma laughed at us when she talked to us after those first few months!  Let's just say we had NO idea what we were getting into- we just wanted more babies!  Of course it was hard at first, as all good things are.  I'm going to end the story here, as that ends our adoption journey.  It was wild, wonderful, stressful and crazy.  I feel incredibly blessed to have 3 children.  I am lucky to know the women who gave me this sacred trust and to be able to tell my children how much they were loved before they came to me.  And I am very happy to not have to do it again! 

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